Video Games and my love affair with their men.

Yes you read that right. But if you are a gamer that just so happens to be female then you will understand PERFECTLY. Totally did not write that in a creepy way.

According to some people, men (the straight ones at least) are easily pleased by well… tits mainly. Yeah we could go in to the whole “the game industry is dominated by men that’s why all the female characters fit the supposed target audiences’ idea of a fit bird” bullshit but I won’t. Again the ladies reading this will know what I’m on about. But whatever, this is not what this blog entry is about. This is about as the title says; my love affair with male video game characters.

Y’know, when I think back to stuff I’ve ever said or think about guys I’ve dated I’ve actually been pretty vague if you know what I mean. I’ve dated all kinds of guys which in reality made me think that I genuinely didn’t have a “type.” But, it’s only up until recently (sort of) that I figured it out, I DO in fact have a type. I remember the exact moment it happened properly and I quote a previous blog I did.

“Love love LOVE the Uncharted games. I am actually in love with Nathan Drake. In fact, I had an affair with him on November 2nd when I received the game in the mail that morning then later that afternoon, my then boyfriend dumped me. So after the few hours I spent bawling an' screaming obscenities at the tit, I remembered he was preventing me from cracking on with playing U3. So in the end I didn't feel upset, but really fucking angry because the ex was keeping me from PLAYING MY FUCKING NEW GAME. So when the bawling an' the screaming subsided then turned to pure anger, I cracked on with U3 an' began to fill meself with post break-up Jaffa Cakes... a 36 box full of the bastards.”

I figured it out; I’m the stereotypical girl who does the whole “tall, dark and handsome” thing. Though to be honest the tall bit is quite easy as I’m only 5’3” when I stop dragging my knuckles, the dark bit is somewhat negotiable and the handsome? Well duh. Handsome. Yes please. No woman wants a munter really. But either way, it’s not just video game characters who have confirmed this but also my adoration for rugby players too. Many who I do like fit all the above criteria. But like I said, those three things aren’t exactly hard to accomplish. Maybe only the handsome bit though. Funny thing is, when somebody asks me if I’m up to anything that evening or the weekend or whatever, I usually reply with “I got a date with (insert character’s name here) an’ a box of Jaffa Cakes.” People tend to know it’s not a real date but I am in fact going to sit in front of the telly playing video games.

But video games are my sort of release. Some women watch soppy chick-flicks, some women read gushy romance novels, or they do something else entirely. I myself, play video games. More and more women are getting involved in video games these days whether it be playing them or if they’re directly involved in the production of them. And it’s a thing I’m extremely happy about because even though not many women are involved directly, there has been that breakthrough in to a very male orientated line of work. You can tell the difference between a game or even the characters when it’s had women involved in either design or even in the main story. I think women are a bit more considerate in that way, we have our own interests at heart but we also chuck in some stuff for the fellas too. Yeah, we’re nice like that. Haha! If you don’t believe me I got just two words for you… Duke Nukem.

Seriously that series is my ultimate nightmare. It leads me to believe that the only females in the offices where it all came together never had any direct involvement in it and they only made the tea and the god-damn sandwiches.

So this then leads me on to the main objective of this post… Which probably has absolutely nothing to do with what I just wrote there. It also probably gives the fellas a slight look in to our thinking/psyche. ‘Cause when men question; “What do women want?” Don’t bother asking us. Whilst we can give you some kind of answer, it is utterly pointless ‘cause at the end of the day we have no bloody idea ourselves. But this is the point of view from a woman whos main relationships in life are with fictional characters. Yes they may be fictional but they are what would be considered to be something of an idea of what women would really like in real life. Men talk about how their ideal woman would most likely cook and clean for them, be about 5’7”, lean, blonde, make their mates jealous ‘cause she’s so stunning and don’t reserve blowjobs for special occasions such as birthdays. That’s all trivial physical shit. Yes women may be shallow too but when we talk about our ideal guy, we tend to list their personality traits first NOT the physical ones. 99% of the time we do anyway.

GEORGIE’S FAVOURITE FELLAS OF VIDEO GAMES WHO WOULD BE EATEN ALIVE IF THEY WERE ACTUALLY REAL.

Yes I felt the need to put that all in caps, so sue me.

So here we go, in no particular order…

Dante (Devil May Cry series)

Dante is obviously not under the “Dark” bit of TDH. (Tall, Dark and Handsome.) But still he is tall and handsome and has kinda of wicked silvery white hair. Unless you consider Ninja Theory’s DmC re-boot Dante, to which all the crazy fanboys (or girls) will start screaming “OH MY GOD THAT ISN’T DANTE!” whine whine whinge and so on.

But Dante is essentially a lovable yet cocky shit. He is somewhat of a bad-boy as in he has a slight amount of that persona but you can tell he’s not an all-out bad guy. He is just kinda suave but a bit belligerent at the same time. But really when you think about it, we ladies do love a guy on the edge plus he really does seem like the kind of guy you could go out and party with. Which refers me back to the “what women want” thing. We say we like a nice guy, we say we like a bad-boy, blah blah. We’re fickle. That’s it at the end of the day. Honestly we don’t know our arse from our elbow even though we say we do.

Plus Dante is an ultra acrobatic half-human/half-demon dude who hunts demons for a living. Now that’s pretty cool. Although the constant diet of pizza and occasional use of appallingly terrible one liners are quite bad, it’s all easily overlooked. Right ladies?

Leon S. Kennedy and Chris Redfield (Resident Evil series)

Leon

If there’s anyone out there on this planet that doesn’t know that I absolutely ADORE Resident Evil, then where the hell you been?! I started playing Resident Evil back in ’98 when I was barely 12 years old. Yeah I know I wasn’t “old” enough to play games like that but to be honest, me parent’s weren’t all that bothered what I played or watched. In fact mother’s more bothered now with what I play and watch compared to almost 14 years ago. But that’s not the point here.

Leon. I actually love Leon. So much so I named my cat after him. People seem to think I got the name from the Luc Besson movie starring Jean Reno as the titular character “Leon” but no that’s not it at all. We’ve seen Leon go from being a wet-behind-the-ears rookie cop in Resident Evil 2, to nothing short of a total badass in the more recent games. (I’m saying Resident Evil 6 now ‘cause remember folks it’s out at the end of this year!) But along the way it’s obvious he’s maintained an amount of compassion. He’s got a job to do and he’s damn well doing it but that doesn’t mean he can’t give a shit along the way so he’s also committed, clever and brave. He is the kind of guy you would want to come and rescue you then eventually you’d be swooning. Plus I stand by my saying that he’s Auburn. A lot of people would say otherwise but I am telling you now he IS a ginge. Whatever. Leon is a character who has definitely gotten physically more attractive over the years but I this is mainly due to the fact that we have been through more technological advances since the PSone. He along with Chris and every other character in the gaming world now look human. It’s wonderful.

Chris 

Ahhh Chris. I know a lot of Resi fans have a love/hate relationship with Chris. I however don’t as I actually quite like him. Not as much as Leon I admit that but there is just something that Chris has that I like. He is a man on a mission, plus he has more than enough of his own personal vendettas to deal with too. It’s evident in the trailers for Resident Evil 6 and I reckon he’s going to be out for blood. He really does make for interesting watching.

What gets me though is that major bitch people had when Resi 5 was revealed and everybody went a bit crackers over Chris’s appearance. Remember everybody thought he was a ‘roid head and he was smuggling melons about in his arms? Not being funny here but I am a somewhat shallow woman (at times) and any man who looks like he could bench-press me a bazillion times without breaking a sweat and also save me from some very bitey zombies then they’re alright in my book.

Really though with Chris and Leon you wouldn’t kick either of them out of bed in a morning would you? So long as they weren’t covered in zombie and bits of stinking B.O.W.

Altaïr, Ezio and Desmond (Assassin’s Creed series.)

Just look at that. That is one meaty triple decked man-wich I’d love to be in the middle of. All three are different, obviously for the fact that they’re three different characters and also due to being from different times but they’re different in some fabulous ways. Altaïr is the moody but driven type, Ezio is the honour bound family-man and part-time Casanova, and Desmond turns from a confused runaway, to a guinea pig to to finally realising who and what he is.

Plus they all somewhat share the same face, courtesy of the lovely Francisco Randez who by the way is incredibly good looking. In fact those words don’t do the man justice so I’ll just say “PHWOOOAARRRRRRR!” instead.

PHWOOOAARRRRRRRRRRRNNGGHHHHHH.

What cracks me up though is that in each game, you get to see more of the character, physically I mean. Of course you can see all of Desmond’s face, we all know what Ezio looks like but then he does become hoodie when he needs to, but Altaïr; you only really get to see his whole face later in the series. But one thing’s for sure, you know that they’re all well buff under that clobber. Can’t go shimmying up buildings and the like without some kind of strength eh? So there really is something for every(woman) in the AC series. I’m greedy though I want the lot hahaha!

Nathan Drake (The Uncharted series)

No man-character list/collection of random mutterings would be complete without having Mr. Nathan Drake on it. Seriously though everybody loves him in some kind of way; even guys do. Drake really is one of those characters who has had such an impact on the gaming world, he’s a character that everyone can relate to in some kind of way. He’s handsome, charismatic, well-travelled, clever, witty, humorous, curious and various other words ending in ous. The kind of guy who finds himself in totally ridiculous situations and laughs about it, usually to himself while he’s climbing up the side of some ancient building.

Which is on a cliff.

Which is receding.

And half the building has fallen in to the sea already.

You get my drift. But that’s the draw with Drake he puts himself in to all these mad situations; situations may I add that we would all probably dream of being in. Well the hunting for ancient relics and mythical lost treasures part of it but you know what I mean. I think people really wouldn’t want some crazy gun-toting madman and his mercs chasing after them but I guess that comes part and parcel with the job.

But whatever. Drake has won the hearts of everyone just for being a normal bloke in an extraordinary situation. Plus I have met the voice of Nathan Drake himself. Mr. Nolan North aka “The guy who’s in absolutely EVERYTHING!” He’s a nice bloke, very funny but he demolished most of our lunch buffet…

And said I was scary. Haha!

Oh yeah before I forget, here's some footage of us at the Uncharted Audition Tournament. You get to see all the fabulous people I met plus you can see me being all Northern. It was great fun I enjoyed every minute. I miss everyone so much the amount of time we had together was nowhere near long enough. We're all planning a meet up at some point so I hope it goes ahead. :)

Going back home, The Uncharted Audition, Thank-You's an' other stuff. :)

Eiiiii! Am going back down home for the weekend! ^_^

Well it's me an' me mam. An' Linda our co-worker who's taking us down, 'cause her daughter another Georgina like me! Still lives down there. :) So we're all gonna get together with me sister Jack too, have a girly weekend. We're even gonna pop in an' see me Auntie Sharon an' possibly me Gran too. I haven't seen either in a very long time. Last time I saw me gran I was about 7 so that's nearly 18 years ago. O_o I haven't seen me Auntie Sharon longer still. How bad is that? An' I mean, they're back in Oldham which is only 3 an' a bit hours away depending on how arsehole-ish you drive. Which in me father's case he can do it in about 2 an 3 quarter hours if the traffic's okay.

So yes, I'm going back to the home of the tubular bandage, the coldest football ground int UK an' the home of the first Chippy EVER. :)

Also, I'm still doing quite well in the Uncharted Audition too. Managing to keep in the top 5 most popular in both rounds. But as I'm typing this it's quickly edging toward midnight so that means it's the 15th in just short of 10 minutes which then means there's only 3 more days to go till the closing date! So here I go again with me shameless self-plugging.

I made a video at work today which is just choc full of me um-ing an' ah-ing trying to explain the competition, how it works an' what happens int th'end. I really dunno why I never thought of doing it earlier but I'd like to think I'm covering all bases here. So here it is. An' sorry I look like such a state an' all flustered but doing a whole estate worth of laundry is no easy task for one person alone. XD Burnt me hands a few times too. :( Anyroad...

So like I said int video, if you could all please vote for me I'd be the happiest geek around. I'm doing better in round 2 than I am in round 3 so I can do with more votes in that bit. Both the links are available in the "Show More" section underneath.

I have had a lot of votes so far since the competition started. I've actually been quite ferocious in me advertising of the videos. I've been pretty much spamming the hell out of them on Facebook an' Twitter. I've put the odd thing in some forums I frequent PLUS as a sort of "don't really want to do this 'cause it's a bit cheeky but I need help" thing I've actually posted the videos in a few Facebook groups I'm a member of but don't really know many of the other folk in it. But I tried to be as honest as possible an' I think people appreciate that more instead of you trying to bullshit 'em. An' now, I've done a youtube vid. So I've said it once, I've said it a million times before; every little really does help.

An' here's a BIG THANK YOU! to everyone who has taken the time to go ahead an vote for me an' even share me videos too! All my Facebook an' Twitter friends, everyone I've met from forums. You've all been so great. And a thank you goes to those who barely know me or don't even know me at all, wherever you may have found me videos whether it be a random find or through someone who has shared it; you're awesome. Plain an' simple. :)

Thanks a lot guys. <3 Love you all. :)

Help a Girl Gamer Out!

So if you don't know, Sony along with Naughty Dog; the geniuses behind the Uncharted series are holding online web auditions through Facebook. Get this, the overall winner will be flown to their studios in California where they will be made in to a character to appear in Uncharted 3's multiplayer mode! Cool ain't it?! :)

So of course me being an' absolute radge Uncharted fangirl, I jumped in an' got on with me "audition."

There are 3 "rounds." The first one, you have to creater your characters name. Secondly, you have to upload 10 seconds of footage showing how tough or agile you are. And finally, you have to provide a 10 second voice over to a clip from U3. I've done all that now, so all I'm asking for is your help.

Finalists are chosen using a combination of the judges votes AND by how many "likes" you get on your two videos. (Video votes will not be combined together, so you have to score high in each category.) So, straight to the point; If any of you have literally a spare 30 seconds, would you please like both of my videos. It would be greatly appreciated. :) Here are the links. My characters name is Morrigan Davies. :)

Uncharted Audition: Round 2

Uncharted Audition: Round 3

If you vote for me, thank you very much. :) You'd be making one incredibly fanatical girl gamer absolutely elated if by some miracle I get through. XD Oh, an in the round 2 video, you basically get to see me looking a right dick fighting some imaginary guy in me kitchen.

PLUMBING! By Georgie's Dad.

A lot of women will understand about the whole getting the man in your life whether it be your father, husband, boyfriend, whatever to do something in your house for you that's DIY related. AN' the buggers NEVER forget it. A lot of women say the man "You never do owt around the house." Mainly because it usually is the woman who has to do all the cooking, cleaning an' laundry in these households. Man will reply with "Well I put them shelves up for ya." Yeah, you put them shelves up 4 years ago. Idiots.

Me father's also taken to a sort of shitty bribe thing that has nowt to do wi' me an' me mam at all. Me father's work has nowt to do wi' us. He does all the farm work an' outside estate maintenance, sometimes stuff in the properties too but that doesn't happen often.

This is what he does, 'cause he's too idle to make himsel' a cup of tea an' WON'T make himsel' one when there's a woman int th'ouse.

He'll say to us; "Can you mek us a quick brew then I'll go an get these sheep run through the footbath." Or summat stupid like that.

He makes it sound like if it doesn't get done, then it's our fault. Or that it's imperative we make him a cup of tea  'cause really it's our job that he's doing but we've subbed him the work. Does that make any sense?

Either way, that's what he does. Plus if you're in the house around dinner time, he'll try getting you to make him a sammich just so he doesn't have to. He's quite capable of doing it himself though. But me an' mam work to an' we very rarely have dinner we run on ciggies an' coffee. We don't have the time to be pandering around after me father. If we say "No, kinda busy going back out to work" an' not make him his tea or butty, he goes in a huff with us. I mean he actually get's a proper monk on.

But back to the DIY thing. Me mam's  had a crappy sink in her kitchen for ages now, One of them stupid cheapy plastic ones that stains. It's a 1.5 sink, has the main sink an a funny smaller one int middle next to the draining board. The big part of the sink round the plug hole has had this split in it for ages so even with the plug in, the water drains out. So mam decided she wanted a new stainless steel sink an' sent me out with me dad to B&Q one day to get one. I was there solely for the purpose of making sure me father got a good one; 'cause knowing him he'd come back with some cheap shite.

He spent most of Thursday last week measuring up where the new sink was going seeing as it was a little big bigger than the one already in. Friday was spent pissing about going to an' from Homebase an' Jewsons for kitchen worktop hacking to bits supplies. Jigsaw blades an' crap like that. That evening he started cutting but was "thwarted" by said Jigsaw blades overheating an' splintering the worktop. So then he started pissing about with a hand saw.

SATDAY was the same, 'cept he eventually managed to get the hole cut. Sunday, the sink went in. An most of Sunday was spent with me father, under the sink pissing about with the pipes.

Today, Wednesday. After several days of me father whinging under the damn sink about shitty cowboy plumbers who'd done the original work an' how they can't plumb for toffee. Christ knows what he was doing under there he spent hours cutting an' soldering, more trips to Homebase to buy more plumbing shit an'... whinging. Yes Wednesday. We finally got a real plumber in to sort the pipes. Me father reckoned he had connected up the cold water but never got round to the hot 'cause the cold was giving him grief.

Plumber comes in, there was a bit of noise. He was barely here half an hour. Had both the hot water an' cold water hooked up without having to use flexipipes, bazillions of pipe couplings, yadda yadda. He even said to us he might not have everything he needed in his van to hook it all up 'cause he'd been busy with loads of other jobs. But he still did it. An' here is his handy work.

All he did was put in a new joint for the hot, an' he bent a bit of pipe for the cold. Easy. An I think he didn't have to get a bunch of couplings/joints out his van anyway, 'cause of me father's billion an' one trips to DIY shops, he got pretty much everything anyway. Funny thing is me father has all the gear for doing this, solder, flux, flexipipes, pipe benders, pipe cutters, the lot.

Wanna see what me father come up with for the cold water?

Brace yerself it's pretty similar to abstract art.

I know. Shocking ain't it? In fact the plumber asked me an' me mam why had me father been making pipe mazes. Also, "Tell him he can't solder wet pipes." Was another one. No wonder why when he turned the water back on it were all pissing out the joints.

So my advice to the ladies who has one of these DIY men in their life that can't admit when they've been beaten or have no idea to begin with, yet insist on doing the work themselves 'cause they reckon they'd save some money. DON'T LET THEM. When it takes them the best part of a week to do summat that really should've taken 2 days or so to have everything done just 'cause they're NOT ORGANISED, get a bloody professional in. It'll save you the hassle an' grief you get when the man does it plus your life won't end up revolving around the job at hand. Out kitchen has looked like a bomb's hit it this past week 'cause of all me father's DIY shit hanging around. An' god forbid if you try tidying it up you get shouted at. Yeah, me father's ended up spending more money getting all the shit he apparently needed for this job an' we still had to get the plumber in. So, what money have we saved?

So yeah, we finally have a nice new sink in. First thing me mam did, she turned the water on, put the plug in, chucked in a dish cloth an' some washing up liquid an' shouted "I GOT FUCKING WATER AN' BUBBLES NOW!"

I really wonder about some of you lot...

... then I remember; this is t'internet.

Here are some of me more questionable search keywords I get.

Err, yup.

How the hell did that bring you here?

Okay, them are just plain weird.

Though it is nice to see on that last one that somebody did actually search for me blog. I think. XD

The Importance of Being Northern. Part 1: Th'Imsersion Heater

('ll try to write this as close to English-English as possible just so the Northern bits stick out like a sore thumb, but I can't guarantee anything 'cause it's bloody difficult for me NOT to write Northern.)

So I was watching Phoenix Nights earlier on today with me mam and dad. In the first episode, the main character Brian Potter played by the one and only Peter Kay said to another character Jerry St. Clair played by Dave Spikey "C'mon I want get back 'ave left th'immersion on."

I started laughing at this point, mainly because this is a typical Northern thing. Especially around where I come from. Northerners are generally known to be "tight bastards" and it is true to an extent. Immersion heaters, or "Th'immersion" as we call them are particularly expensive things to run and back in the day before combination boilers that run both the heating and hot water were standard in houses; it was the only thing about that could give you hot water.

But what was actually making me laugh was the fact that this still happens now. Not everyone has a fancy combi boiler in their house or if they do, it might be quite ancient and not work properly so in order for them to have anything remotely near hot water, "th'immersion" may have to go on. I remember growing up with people around me freaking out at the fact that they switched "th'immersion" on early that morning, so they could have a bath and forgot to switch it off before they left the house and it was now mid-afternoon so the electric bill that quarter was going to be "bloody colossal."

Mother was laughing with me on this. Because it's true. God forbid a Northerner leaving "th'immersion" on thus subsequently getting a huge electric bill later on because of it. People pretty much planned their days around "th'immersion" heater. You switch it on in advance for a set amount of time because 1: It took a while for any hot water to get through and 2: Using it any longer than needed was expensive. But even if people were on top of it and knew how to handle "th'immersion" it still come back to bite them in the arse if they did forget to switch it off. People would actually cut any meetings or whatever short JUST to go home to switch the bloody thing off and if they couldn't leave somewhere for some reason; they'd panic like mad till they got home or went scatty trying to find a way to get in touch with someone back at the house or someone who would go round and switch it off.

So really "th'immersion" was and may still be the bane of every Northerners existence.

To be truthful, I've never had much in terms of contact with "th'immersion." I have hower had dealings with back boilers which are basically soild fuel fires that when lit, send heat to the radiators and to the hot water storage tank. The downside being, if you didn't have a back up system like a combi boiler, you had to light the bloody fire for heat and hot water.

But most of the time it has been some kind of heating system that does both. But of course being Northern, that heating system only ever went on when the house was FUCKING FREEZING or you began to stink and needed a bath. If you were cold, you went and put another "ganzie" (jumper) on. And of course, being Northern and primarily working class; personal hygiene was never really at the top of our list. I had a bath maybe twice a week and I washed my hair once a week when I was growing up, maybe my mother bathed me more if I'd been playing outside and got covered in shite. I did have really long hair back then and it was always tied up and pleated so it never really got dirty.

Kept it! And it's the only proof I have of being naturally blonde which NO BUGGER believes.

Since I have had my hair cut when I was 13 and I've been having it cut shorter even more since then I have noticed my hair does get greasy and dirty a lot quicker now. Even so, I still only shower twice a week and wash my hair twice a week too. (The hair I had cut off, I still have it by the way. Mother wanted to keep it so it's in a glass jar in the kitchen sideboard.) There's no need to bathe every day if you're not getting shit order and sweaty. Plus it's doctors orders for me, I have a bunch of skin conditions and washing just makes everything ten times worse.

And before I forget. Another typical thing is leaving the bath water in. No we don't do the Japanese thing of filling the tub with clean hot water then it gets left in for each member of the family to use after each one of them has had a right good scrub and rinse in a separate part of the bathroom. No. Remember, "th'immersion" only goes on for a set amount of time so you'll be buggered if you think it's going on again because the hot water has run out and you haven't had a bath yet. So we share bathwater. So if you had a big family and didn't get in first then the water would be vile by the time you got in. Not only that but it'd be cold too, so mother would top your bath up with the contents of a just boiled "keccle" and scald your back in the process. Not only was it saving money (supposedly) it also happened because Northerners are lazy about things like this. Yes we can graft away at work, but when we get home; Bone Idleness takes over.

That even happened with me when I was growing up even though it was just me, mother and father. We even had proper heating too so there really wasn't a need for us to share bathwater or top up with the "keccle." Old habits don't die that easy, plus I guess you could also say that things like that are genetic. And it all stems from the fact that Northerners are all tight bastards in some way and if we can same money by doing something that isn't a social norm, isn't generally accepted, is very stereotypical of us or is just plain weird then we'll probably do it. Fact of the matter is, it still goes on.

I'll leave you with this, a clip from a Christmas Special episode of The Royle Family. A sort of Northern sitcom. An example of being idle and leaving the water in even with a combi boiler. (Skip to about 2:50 if you want to get straight to where I'm on about, just watch for a bit after that. Or if you fancy it, watch the whole thing! This episode is fantastic.)

Zombie Gargle

2012 is OFFICIALLY the year of Resident Evil!!


Yay! ^_^

So we have three games coming out this year. (I think, I got quite lost in the world of RE this week so I could just be talking shite.)

So there's Resident Evil: Revelations out first on the 27th of this month in the UK, slightly later for our American cousins. Then We have Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City which is out on March 23rd. Then we have *dun dun dunnnnnnn* RESIDENT EVIL 6 out on November 20th. Which I am pretty fucking excited for after seeing the trailer last week.

Resident Evil... Siixxxxxxxxxxx blerrrgghhhhhh.

But the best thing about Resi 6 is the fact that Capcom, the sneaky liccle buggers have managed to get the whole thing quiet for several years. There was a mad viral (no pun intended) campaign a short while ago then finally we get a proper trailer AND a real release date. Usually with games you get the trailer an everywhere on the net that's written about it has "Release Date: TBA." But Capcom have done us good an' not pissed us about. :) They did release some sneaky teasers but kept it schtum so nobody really knew if it had a vague release date or if it was properly in production.

But from watching the trailer, it looks shit hot. But to be honest a kick in the teeth is a damn sight better than the thing we call Resi 5. Resi 4 was awesome. It too the series in a whole different direction in regards to gameplay but it just worked. When you do something so pivotal to a series like that you're supposed to build on it and make it work to it's full potential, not have it become summat "with knobs on." Which is what Resi 5 was. It wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. Just Resi 4 with a slightly meh storyline an' knock-off Swarovski crystals stuck to it, not whole carat diamonds.

And I guess I should mention the next Resident Evil live action movie is out in September this year blah blah an so on. At least we actually get LEON IN IT FINALLY! As well as Chris an' some other new dude an' some new bird.

Leon! Yay! ^_^ Annnnnn' the new bird...

I could also say that it being the year of RE, it is also turning out to be the year of Leon. Yay! ^_^ I named me cat after him hahahaha!

*not a fan of Leon at all* /sarcasm. XD

P.S. FUCK! I forgot about the second CGI movie Damnation. That's scheduled for some kind of release this year too. Christ me brain's mince now. O_o

Let me show you my (beastly) legs...

(WARNING: Not for those of a nervous disposition. Or for those who think women are these creatures that have no/very little body hair and think it should always be that way.)

Now, I am hairy. VERY hairy in fact I could actually pass for either a bloke or some other hairy creature.

It all started a few years ago when I was in the shower one night. I used to shave pretty much everything. That one night I took in to the shower with me of course, shampoo, conditioner, a triple bladed disposable razor, shaving gel an' body wash. The usual woman stuff.

For some reason, I went through me teens relatively spot an' embarrassing hair free. Soon as I turned 20 everything went tits up. I started getting spots, me body hair started getting a LOT darker an' more aggressive. It was almost like the typical teen hormones/bad shit had decided to completely bypass that time of me life an' instead plague me in me 20's. Which was nice of it.

But that night int shower really did change me mind on how I groom meself. There I was, rinsing the shampoo out of me hair when it all decided to travel down me face in to me eyes. I can't stand water going in me eyes let alone soap which I doubt anyone would like getting in there. So I'm screaming me head off flailing about in me shower trying to get this soap out of me eyes, whilst trying to find a flannel to dry me face an' eyes with so I could open 'em without any more water/soap getting in 'em.

Meanwhile, that triple bladed disposable razor I had just finished using an' well blunted after one use had dropped out of the shower caddy I have in there on to the shower tray.

I stood on it.

Big toe, 3 massive horribly deep cuts right on the under side of me big toe.

I screamed me head off. Flung meself out the shower faster than shit flies off a shovel then proceeded to wrap what seemed like yards of toilet paper round me now gushing big toe whilst pissed wet through. Took a few attempts to get dry bog roll round it an' apply some pressure to stop the bleeding.

I also ended up with quite dry scraggly hair that evening as I didn't get round to using any conditioner but that's not the point. It took at least a month for the cuts on me big toe to heal. I hobbled around everywhere 'cause I couldn't put any weight on that toe. I couldn't put plasters on it 'cause they would just make the skin all soggy so I pretty much went around wearing flip flops.

During that time I barely shaved. I thought; "Why am I doing this?" Honestly, I had no real reason to shave at all, just for an aesthetic reason. I wore jeans all the time, I barely wore anything where you can see me arms/underarms/legs/whatever, I had no bloke at the time to speak of. So why was I doing it? I looked at me legs after they had been shaved an' all I saw was dry, bleeding skin an' plenty of razor burn. I did everything to try an' prevent it like exfoliating an' using a good lotion' but it never worked. Every time I shaved after, it just happened again. Plus I'd always make more additions to the collection of cuts I had. Plus I was going through a pack of razors an' a full tin of shaving gel every week, it was getting ridiculous.

So after that instead of shaving every other day, it went to once a week. Then to once a fortnight. Then on to once every month. Then it got to the point where I would go for months an' month an' not even THINK about shaving.

So I had an idea a few years back. Why don't I just go get everything waxed off once in a while, so I can be hair free all over for weeks an' weeks instead of having to put meself through the whole shaving thing again? I did just that. I found an' absolutely fantastic waxer in Edinburgh who specialises in both male an' female intimate waxing.

Her name is Sam an' she's the genius behind Sin Waxing. Every time I go, I get the works done. Legs, arms, belly, pits, a full Hollywood, even me arse crack. And I can knowingly say that Sam is the only person I know who can wax me eyebrows PERFECTLY and exactly how I like 'em. I can highly recommend Sam so if you're ever around the Edinburgh area then go see her. She's incredibly professional, very reasonably priced an' makes you feel so comfortable when she's working you'd end up wondering why you never went to get your bits de-fuzzed properly before. Not only that but she usually has the telly on too so you can have a right good bitch about the crap that's on an' don't have to listen to any pretentious singing whale an' cackling dolphin music most beauticians play, nor does she do the whole "Are you going on holiday this year?" small talk/crappy banter thing. You can have a proper conversation an' a laugh with Sam which is awesome.

I always come out of Sam's feeling dead chuffed wi' meself an' half a stone lighter seeing as I've probably had that amount of hair removed from me. She also does IPL treatments too and has varying offers on block treatments if that's your sort of thing.

So now here they are. Me beastly legs.

Yeah I know you don't need to tell me it's gross. But I don't care. That's just me shins, there's actually a lot less in some parts of me legs 'cause I have been getting them waxed. I have very little on me calves an' above me knees now. Plus it it taking a lot longer for the hair to come through an' it's not as thick, it actually used to be a lot worse. I will be making another appointment with Sam when the weather starts getting warmer so I can wear me summer clothes without being burned a witch or whatever in Hawick for being a freak of nature. I jest, I don't do this for anyone's benefit/disgust or whatever. It's for me. maybe if I did have a bloke I would be a bit more pro-active in getting rid of it, but to be honest if any potential suitors see this me chances are probably gone haha! But if a bloke can't see past this to you as a person then well, balls to 'em.

But don't get me wrong, I don't like the hair being there especially when it starts to make me itch then the thought does cross me mind to get a razor an' get rid of it. But I put up with it. I'm doing me skin a favour. I'd rather put up with having the hair there for a few months then going through the annoying pain, not hurty pain of having it waxed off than having to shave every other day an' end up with legs full of red bumps, cuts an' the dry skin scalyness of a shedding snake. I'm not keeping it there for some hipster going against the grain of mainstream beauty ideals. It stays there because I'm single, I live in Scotland where it rains most of the time an' our summer is pretty much 6 hours of decentish weather spread out over the several months halfway through the year.

That an' I don't wanna accidentally try an decapitate me big toe again...

Gareth Thomas to win Celebrity Big Brother 2012!

So for folks outside of the UK, you may not know but we have another Celebrity Big Brother on. Of course it's full of folk that are either scraping the barrel or no buggers ever heard of. Or folk you just wouldn't expect to go on it.

But there's a housemate in there this year that I would love to see win this, an' that's Gareth Thomas aka "Alfie."

He's a retired, internationally capped, Welsh dual code rugby player who during his career came out as being gay. Which is difficult for anyone to do but when it's in the world of rugby, which is very much a mans sport is even more difficult.

I found an interview he did on the Ellen Degeneres show early in 2011 and he talk about what he went through. Looking at the 6'3", just over 16 stone of rugby muscle you can see he is so much more happier now. A truly inspirational bloke for anyone, an' an absolute gentleman to boot.

When he get's going on Big Brother he is an absolute riot an' a joy to watch especially when they're doing tasks and challenges. Then there was that night they had a party and they all got dresses up, Alfie turns up looking like he walked straight out of a Van Halen video with his mad 80's wig, tiny bolero jacket and tight leggings that didn't quite fit the big fella. He makes for absolutely brilliant telly. Then there was the Fairy Tale task. Alfie as Prince Charming. But Welsh. XD (I have this thing for the Welsh accent. (Honest to god I could listen to Alfie or Scott Quinnell ALL DAY. NO JOKE.)

ALFIE TO WIN!! :)

We Love You Freddie. Plus some seriousness

So there was a documentary on t'other night. Freddie Flintoff: Hidden Side of Sport.

In a nutshell, it was about sports pros who have suffered from depression at some point in their lives, an' how it affected them, their family an' friends and their career.

Now, we love Freddie in our house. He's the cheeky cricket chap from Preston who talks like me an' my lot, likes a drink an' has a funny sense of humour. But he's also suffered from the blues too. But the reason why I'm writing this now is because a former member of the rugby community has recently committed suicide.

Selorm Kuadey was an ex Sale Sharks winger who had to retire from rugby in 2010 due to serious injury. He went on to start a new career after obtaining a first-class honours degree in Human Biology. A clever bloke he was.

He was 24.

It makes you wonder really. All the fame, fortune an' all that doesn't protect anyone from something like depression. Anyone can suffer from it. It has been said that Selorm may have had some deep rooted psychological issues that may have driven him to do what he did. When you think about it, sports pros don't get it easy either. Being in the media's line of fire all the time, being scrutinised for every single little mishap or failure no matter how mediocre or stupid it may be. An' injury doesn't help either. Having some injury that threatens their career or may be even forces them to retire from it can't be good either. Selorm had a good decade left in him. It's rare you get a rugby player that has to retire so early but it does happen an' it's always due to a serious injury. Most usually get to their mid-thirties before they call it a day. But that's the way the cookie crumbles. It's sad.

RIP Selorm.

Georgie's (sort of) 2011 Gaming Review

2011 wasn't a big gaming year for me. Well, it was kinda but with some highly anticipated heavy hitting games. I didn't buy many this year, I guess it started early on int year with me slight obsession with pre-ordering. The actual receiving of games began in April. So here's a quick review.

Portal 2

I loved the first Portal game, I really did. But I think you'd be hard pushed to find a gamer who didn't like it. The first Portal was nowt short of brilliant, but that was it's problem. It was too short. Granted it didn't outstay it's welcome but I think everyone wished there was just a little more game time. Portal 2 however was substantially longer in comparison but was easily demolished as it was so addictive in my eyes.

It carries on in the dark humour vein, has even more inventive game play an' is FUN. Yes it may be slightly frustrating at times but it is essentially a puzzle game with a slight action tinge. It's supposed to be frustrating at times, if it wasn't then where would the fun be?

I never had any major gripes with it, to be honest I can't really think of any.

On to September.

Dead Island

I was pretty excited about Dead Island after seeing all the garb that went with it, like that trailer that was all in reverse an' pretty much everyone was freaking out about it. I was in America at the time it was released in the UK an' I wouldn't be back for just over a week. So it was sat in it's little Amazon cardboard posting house in me room till I got back home.

Now let me get this out there now. I still haven't completed this game. Why? I forgot about it. To me it really is a forgettable game. Yes it had a lot of hype about it an' I was looking forward to playing it but summat did not just bode well with me. For some reason it just seemed a bit grind-tacular. Don't get me wrong I don't mind a bit of grinding but I don't think it particularly fitted all that well with Dead Island. It had fiddly bits such as repairing weapons an' creating weapons an' blah blah. Yeah I know it's for a bit of realism but it's kinda hard to get on with a game when you have to detour to do this, then realise you can't 'cause all you have in your inventory is SHITE.

Dead Island also has it's bugs. Realism doesn't exactly go that well with a game that looks plasticky an' is particularly obvious with it's rough edges. I was slightly disappointed with this game. And I love zombies, so really I should've been all over this like a rash. Meh.

On to October.

Batman: Arkham City

I am a HUUUUUGE BATMAN GEEK. HUGE! I adore anything Batman. I'm sure you may have realised that in some of me previous blogs. I loved Arkham Asylum, which really was a fun game. But Arkham City really did take it to another level. Everything in this game to me was bigger, badder (in a good way) an' better. The addition of having Catwoman as a playable character was pretty neat, even though it was a pretty short amount of time you did get to play her. Thought I do think it would've been nice to have other playable characters that had more to do with the main storyline. Robin made an appearance, it would've been cool to play as him in the main game. though you did get to play as Nightwing if you got the DLC for the Riddler's Challenges. But still, meh. That was about my only gripe.

Oh, an' there was the slight disappointment that Arleen Sorkin didn't reprise her role as Harley this time round, but instead Tara Strong filled her boots. Which just doesn't seem right to me, Tara Strong does little boy's voices; not the voice of a demented, criminally minded gymnast. Harley's Arkham City outfit is also my choice of Halloween Costume this year. :)

Now, November.

Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

Love love LOVE the Uncharted games. I am actually in love with Nathan Drake. In fact, I had an affair with him on November 2nd when I received this game in the mail that morning then later that afternoon, my then boyfriend dumped me. So after the few hours I spent bawling an' screaming obscenities at the tit, I remembered he was preventing me from cracking on with playing U3. So in the end I didn't feel upset, but really fucking angry because the ex was keeping me from PLAYING MY FUCKING NEW GAME. So when the bawling an' the screaming subsided then turned to pure anger, I cracked on with U3 an' began to fill meself with post break-up Jaffa Cakes... a 36 box full of the bastards.

So of course it being Uncharted it was as always visually stunning, full of witty dialogue an' so on. It was missing summat though. But that could've just been me.

To be honest I had a hard time trying to get me head round the story. I know a lot of story now whether it be in games or movies or telly shows isn't exactly handed to you on a plate an' this is why I reckon it could've been me being slightly dim. Uncharted for me is pure entertainment in the sense that every single storyline has me absolutely ENGROSSED in it like it is me fave telly show I freak out about when I miss a few minutes. I think this was my problem. Yeah everything came together at the end but Uncharted is my soap opera where you have to play the game to advance to the next cutscene of deliciousness. I couldn't put it down.

Saints Row The Third

I can't stop playing this game. I really can't. I think I'm near the end of me third play through right now, then after that I'll probably start playing it again. This game has been quite possibly the most fun game I've played in a long time an' thoroughly enjoyed every single minute of it. It's over the top, totally ridiculous an' funny as hell. It's like GTA through an' through but just better to me. GTA has it's moments but Saints Row The Third just takes it even further, by sticking bright shiny purple oversized cocks on baseball bats on it.

I can't complain that much about it really. Some missions are annoying due to the difficulty curve being unpredictable an' more like a mountain at times than a curve. Oh an' it does crash sometimes, but thank Christ not like the Fallout games do. Eesh. O_o 

Oh, an' who doesn't love a game that has Hulk Hogan in as a voice actor AND the one an' only Burt Reynolds playing AS HIMSELF as the Mayor of Steelport.

Fucking Awesome. :)

Anyway, here's to 2012 an' all the damn pre-orders I made last year. Least a few of 'em actually have release dates now. XD

Oh Danny... :(

Danny Care. (The short back an' sides never ceases to make me chuckle. :p heh heh )

The cheeky-chappie with the nicest arse (in my opinion at least) in any English rugby club, has been well an' truly bollocked for the second time in three weeks for drinking offences. England interim coach Stuart Lancaster reveals his iron fist over Danny Care’s antics

Oh Danny you big pillock. :( You're still on me list of "Men Who's Faces I would Lick Given Half a Chance."

Meanwhile props go to Joey Barton. Another on the face licking list. This man is entertaining and a Scouser. An' if he headbutted Bradley Johnson, then I'm the Queen of fucking Venus.

Joey also has the best Twitter rant,s next to Austin Healey. Who is also technically a Scouser.

I see a pattern developing...