('ll try to write this as close to English-English as possible just so the Northern bits stick out like a sore thumb, but I can't guarantee anything 'cause it's bloody difficult for me NOT to write Northern.)
So I was watching Phoenix Nights earlier on today with me mam and dad. In the first episode, the main character Brian Potter played by the one and only Peter Kay said to another character Jerry St. Clair played by Dave Spikey "C'mon I want get back 'ave left th'immersion on."
I started laughing at this point, mainly because this is a typical Northern thing. Especially around where I come from. Northerners are generally known to be "tight bastards" and it is true to an extent. Immersion heaters, or "Th'immersion" as we call them are particularly expensive things to run and back in the day before combination boilers that run both the heating and hot water were standard in houses; it was the only thing about that could give you hot water.
But what was actually making me laugh was the fact that this still happens now. Not everyone has a fancy combi boiler in their house or if they do, it might be quite ancient and not work properly so in order for them to have anything remotely near hot water, "th'immersion" may have to go on. I remember growing up with people around me freaking out at the fact that they switched "th'immersion" on early that morning, so they could have a bath and forgot to switch it off before they left the house and it was now mid-afternoon so the electric bill that quarter was going to be "bloody colossal."
Mother was laughing with me on this. Because it's true. God forbid a Northerner leaving "th'immersion" on thus subsequently getting a huge electric bill later on because of it. People pretty much planned their days around "th'immersion" heater. You switch it on in advance for a set amount of time because 1: It took a while for any hot water to get through and 2: Using it any longer than needed was expensive. But even if people were on top of it and knew how to handle "th'immersion" it still come back to bite them in the arse if they did forget to switch it off. People would actually cut any meetings or whatever short JUST to go home to switch the bloody thing off and if they couldn't leave somewhere for some reason; they'd panic like mad till they got home or went scatty trying to find a way to get in touch with someone back at the house or someone who would go round and switch it off.
So really "th'immersion" was and may still be the bane of every Northerners existence.
To be truthful, I've never had much in terms of contact with "th'immersion." I have hower had dealings with back boilers which are basically soild fuel fires that when lit, send heat to the radiators and to the hot water storage tank. The downside being, if you didn't have a back up system like a combi boiler, you had to light the bloody fire for heat and hot water.
But most of the time it has been some kind of heating system that does both. But of course being Northern, that heating system only ever went on when the house was FUCKING FREEZING or you began to stink and needed a bath. If you were cold, you went and put another "ganzie" (jumper) on. And of course, being Northern and primarily working class; personal hygiene was never really at the top of our list. I had a bath maybe twice a week and I washed my hair once a week when I was growing up, maybe my mother bathed me more if I'd been playing outside and got covered in shite. I did have really long hair back then and it was always tied up and pleated so it never really got dirty.
Kept it! And it's the only proof I have of being naturally blonde which NO BUGGER believes.
Since I have had my hair cut when I was 13 and I've been having it cut shorter even more since then I have noticed my hair does get greasy and dirty a lot quicker now. Even so, I still only shower twice a week and wash my hair twice a week too. (The hair I had cut off, I still have it by the way. Mother wanted to keep it so it's in a glass jar in the kitchen sideboard.) There's no need to bathe every day if you're not getting shit order and sweaty. Plus it's doctors orders for me, I have a bunch of skin conditions and washing just makes everything ten times worse.
And before I forget. Another typical thing is leaving the bath water in. No we don't do the Japanese thing of filling the tub with clean hot water then it gets left in for each member of the family to use after each one of them has had a right good scrub and rinse in a separate part of the bathroom. No. Remember, "th'immersion" only goes on for a set amount of time so you'll be buggered if you think it's going on again because the hot water has run out and you haven't had a bath yet. So we share bathwater. So if you had a big family and didn't get in first then the water would be vile by the time you got in. Not only that but it'd be cold too, so mother would top your bath up with the contents of a just boiled "keccle" and scald your back in the process. Not only was it saving money (supposedly) it also happened because Northerners are lazy about things like this. Yes we can graft away at work, but when we get home; Bone Idleness takes over.
That even happened with me when I was growing up even though it was just me, mother and father. We even had proper heating too so there really wasn't a need for us to share bathwater or top up with the "keccle." Old habits don't die that easy, plus I guess you could also say that things like that are genetic. And it all stems from the fact that Northerners are all tight bastards in some way and if we can same money by doing something that isn't a social norm, isn't generally accepted, is very stereotypical of us or is just plain weird then we'll probably do it. Fact of the matter is, it still goes on.
I'll leave you with this, a clip from a Christmas Special episode of The Royle Family. A sort of Northern sitcom. An example of being idle and leaving the water in even with a combi boiler. (Skip to about 2:50 if you want to get straight to where I'm on about, just watch for a bit after that. Or if you fancy it, watch the whole thing! This episode is fantastic.)
So we have three games coming out this year. (I think, I got quite lost in the world of RE this week so I could just be talking shite.)
So there's Resident Evil: Revelations out first on the 27th of this month in the UK, slightly later for our American cousins. Then We have Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City which is out on March 23rd. Then we have *dun dun dunnnnnnn* RESIDENT EVIL 6 out on November 20th. Which I am pretty fucking excited for after seeing the trailer last week.
Resident Evil... Siixxxxxxxxxxx blerrrgghhhhhh.
But the best thing about Resi 6 is the fact that Capcom, the sneaky liccle buggers have managed to get the whole thing quiet for several years. There was a mad viral (no pun intended) campaign a short while ago then finally we get a proper trailer AND a real release date. Usually with games you get the trailer an everywhere on the net that's written about it has "Release Date: TBA." But Capcom have done us good an' not pissed us about. :) They did release some sneaky teasers but kept it schtum so nobody really knew if it had a vague release date or if it was properly in production.
But from watching the trailer, it looks shit hot. But to be honest a kick in the teeth is a damn sight better than the thing we call Resi 5. Resi 4 was awesome. It too the series in a whole different direction in regards to gameplay but it just worked. When you do something so pivotal to a series like that you're supposed to build on it and make it work to it's full potential, not have it become summat "with knobs on." Which is what Resi 5 was. It wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. Just Resi 4 with a slightly meh storyline an' knock-off Swarovski crystals stuck to it, not whole carat diamonds.
And I guess I should mention the next Resident Evil live action movie is out in September this year blah blah an so on. At least we actually get LEON IN IT FINALLY! As well as Chris an' some other new dude an' some new bird.
Leon! Yay! ^_^ Annnnnn' the new bird...
I could also say that it being the year of RE, it is also turning out to be the year of Leon. Yay! ^_^ I named me cat after him hahahaha!
*not a fan of Leon at all* /sarcasm. XD
P.S. FUCK! I forgot about the second CGI movie Damnation. That's scheduled for some kind of release this year too. Christ me brain's mince now. O_o
(WARNING: Not for those of a nervous disposition. Or for those who think women are these creatures that have no/very little body hair and think it should always be that way.)
Now, I am hairy. VERY hairy in fact I could actually pass for either a bloke or some other hairy creature.
It all started a few years ago when I was in the shower one night. I used to shave pretty much everything. That one night I took in to the shower with me of course, shampoo, conditioner, a triple bladed disposable razor, shaving gel an' body wash. The usual woman stuff.
For some reason, I went through me teens relatively spot an' embarrassing hair free. Soon as I turned 20 everything went tits up. I started getting spots, me body hair started getting a LOT darker an' more aggressive. It was almost like the typical teen hormones/bad shit had decided to completely bypass that time of me life an' instead plague me in me 20's. Which was nice of it.
But that night int shower really did change me mind on how I groom meself. There I was, rinsing the shampoo out of me hair when it all decided to travel down me face in to me eyes. I can't stand water going in me eyes let alone soap which I doubt anyone would like getting in there. So I'm screaming me head off flailing about in me shower trying to get this soap out of me eyes, whilst trying to find a flannel to dry me face an' eyes with so I could open 'em without any more water/soap getting in 'em.
Meanwhile, that triple bladed disposable razor I had just finished using an' well blunted after one use had dropped out of the shower caddy I have in there on to the shower tray.
I stood on it.
Big toe, 3 massive horribly deep cuts right on the under side of me big toe.
I screamed me head off. Flung meself out the shower faster than shit flies off a shovel then proceeded to wrap what seemed like yards of toilet paper round me now gushing big toe whilst pissed wet through. Took a few attempts to get dry bog roll round it an' apply some pressure to stop the bleeding.
I also ended up with quite dry scraggly hair that evening as I didn't get round to using any conditioner but that's not the point. It took at least a month for the cuts on me big toe to heal. I hobbled around everywhere 'cause I couldn't put any weight on that toe. I couldn't put plasters on it 'cause they would just make the skin all soggy so I pretty much went around wearing flip flops.
During that time I barely shaved. I thought; "Why am I doing this?" Honestly, I had no real reason to shave at all, just for an aesthetic reason. I wore jeans all the time, I barely wore anything where you can see me arms/underarms/legs/whatever, I had no bloke at the time to speak of. So why was I doing it? I looked at me legs after they had been shaved an' all I saw was dry, bleeding skin an' plenty of razor burn. I did everything to try an' prevent it like exfoliating an' using a good lotion' but it never worked. Every time I shaved after, it just happened again. Plus I'd always make more additions to the collection of cuts I had. Plus I was going through a pack of razors an' a full tin of shaving gel every week, it was getting ridiculous.
So after that instead of shaving every other day, it went to once a week. Then to once a fortnight. Then on to once every month. Then it got to the point where I would go for months an' month an' not even THINK about shaving.
So I had an idea a few years back. Why don't I just go get everything waxed off once in a while, so I can be hair free all over for weeks an' weeks instead of having to put meself through the whole shaving thing again? I did just that. I found an' absolutely fantastic waxer in Edinburgh who specialises in both male an' female intimate waxing.
Her name is Sam an' she's the genius behind Sin Waxing. Every time I go, I get the works done. Legs, arms, belly, pits, a full Hollywood, even me arse crack. And I can knowingly say that Sam is the only person I know who can wax me eyebrows PERFECTLY and exactly how I like 'em. I can highly recommend Sam so if you're ever around the Edinburgh area then go see her. She's incredibly professional, very reasonably priced an' makes you feel so comfortable when she's working you'd end up wondering why you never went to get your bits de-fuzzed properly before. Not only that but she usually has the telly on too so you can have a right good bitch about the crap that's on an' don't have to listen to any pretentious singing whale an' cackling dolphin music most beauticians play, nor does she do the whole "Are you going on holiday this year?" small talk/crappy banter thing. You can have a proper conversation an' a laugh with Sam which is awesome.
I always come out of Sam's feeling dead chuffed wi' meself an' half a stone lighter seeing as I've probably had that amount of hair removed from me. She also does IPL treatments too and has varying offers on block treatments if that's your sort of thing.
So now here they are. Me beastly legs.
Yeah I know you don't need to tell me it's gross. But I don't care. That's just me shins, there's actually a lot less in some parts of me legs 'cause I have been getting them waxed. I have very little on me calves an' above me knees now. Plus it it taking a lot longer for the hair to come through an' it's not as thick, it actually used to be a lot worse. I will be making another appointment with Sam when the weather starts getting warmer so I can wear me summer clothes without being burned a witch or whatever in Hawick for being a freak of nature. I jest, I don't do this for anyone's benefit/disgust or whatever. It's for me. maybe if I did have a bloke I would be a bit more pro-active in getting rid of it, but to be honest if any potential suitors see this me chances are probably gone haha! But if a bloke can't see past this to you as a person then well, balls to 'em.
But don't get me wrong, I don't like the hair being there especially when it starts to make me itch then the thought does cross me mind to get a razor an' get rid of it. But I put up with it. I'm doing me skin a favour. I'd rather put up with having the hair there for a few months then going through the annoying pain, not hurty pain of having it waxed off than having to shave every other day an' end up with legs full of red bumps, cuts an' the dry skin scalyness of a shedding snake. I'm not keeping it there for some hipster going against the grain of mainstream beauty ideals. It stays there because I'm single, I live in Scotland where it rains most of the time an' our summer is pretty much 6 hours of decentish weather spread out over the several months halfway through the year.
That an' I don't wanna accidentally try an decapitate me big toe again...
So for folks outside of the UK, you may not know but we have another Celebrity Big Brother on. Of course it's full of folk that are either scraping the barrel or no buggers ever heard of. Or folk you just wouldn't expect to go on it.
But there's a housemate in there this year that I would love to see win this, an' that's Gareth Thomas aka "Alfie."
He's a retired, internationally capped, Welsh dual code rugby player who during his career came out as being gay. Which is difficult for anyone to do but when it's in the world of rugby, which is very much a mans sport is even more difficult.
I found an interview he did on the Ellen Degeneres show early in 2011 and he talk about what he went through. Looking at the 6'3", just over 16 stone of rugby muscle you can see he is so much more happier now. A truly inspirational bloke for anyone, an' an absolute gentleman to boot.
When he get's going on Big Brother he is an absolute riot an' a joy to watch especially when they're doing tasks and challenges. Then there was that night they had a party and they all got dresses up, Alfie turns up looking like he walked straight out of a Van Halen video with his mad 80's wig, tiny bolero jacket and tight leggings that didn't quite fit the big fella. He makes for absolutely brilliant telly. Then there was the Fairy Tale task. Alfie as Prince Charming. But Welsh. XD (I have this thing for the Welsh accent. (Honest to god I could listen to Alfie or Scott Quinnell ALL DAY. NO JOKE.)
So there was a documentary on t'other night. Freddie Flintoff: Hidden Side of Sport.
In a nutshell, it was about sports pros who have suffered from depression at some point in their lives, an' how it affected them, their family an' friends and their career.
Now, we love Freddie in our house. He's the cheeky cricket chap from Preston who talks like me an' my lot, likes a drink an' has a funny sense of humour. But he's also suffered from the blues too. But the reason why I'm writing this now is because a former member of the rugby community has recently committed suicide.
Selorm Kuadey was an ex Sale Sharks winger who had to retire from rugby in 2010 due to serious injury. He went on to start a new career after obtaining a first-class honours degree in Human Biology. A clever bloke he was.
He was 24.
It makes you wonder really. All the fame, fortune an' all that doesn't protect anyone from something like depression. Anyone can suffer from it. It has been said that Selorm may have had some deep rooted psychological issues that may have driven him to do what he did. When you think about it, sports pros don't get it easy either. Being in the media's line of fire all the time, being scrutinised for every single little mishap or failure no matter how mediocre or stupid it may be. An' injury doesn't help either. Having some injury that threatens their career or may be even forces them to retire from it can't be good either. Selorm had a good decade left in him. It's rare you get a rugby player that has to retire so early but it does happen an' it's always due to a serious injury. Most usually get to their mid-thirties before they call it a day. But that's the way the cookie crumbles. It's sad.
2011 wasn't a big gaming year for me. Well, it was kinda but with some highly anticipated heavy hitting games. I didn't buy many this year, I guess it started early on int year with me slight obsession with pre-ordering. The actual receiving of games began in April. So here's a quick review.
I loved the first Portal game, I really did. But I think you'd be hard pushed to find a gamer who didn't like it. The first Portal was nowt short of brilliant, but that was it's problem. It was too short. Granted it didn't outstay it's welcome but I think everyone wished there was just a little more game time. Portal 2 however was substantially longer in comparison but was easily demolished as it was so addictive in my eyes.
It carries on in the dark humour vein, has even more inventive game play an' is FUN. Yes it may be slightly frustrating at times but it is essentially a puzzle game with a slight action tinge. It's supposed to be frustrating at times, if it wasn't then where would the fun be?
I never had any major gripes with it, to be honest I can't really think of any.
On to September.
I was pretty excited about Dead Island after seeing all the garb that went with it, like that trailer that was all in reverse an' pretty much everyone was freaking out about it. I was in America at the time it was released in the UK an' I wouldn't be back for just over a week. So it was sat in it's little Amazon cardboard posting house in me room till I got back home.
Now let me get this out there now. I still haven't completed this game. Why? I forgot about it. To me it really is a forgettable game. Yes it had a lot of hype about it an' I was looking forward to playing it but summat did not just bode well with me. For some reason it just seemed a bit grind-tacular. Don't get me wrong I don't mind a bit of grinding but I don't think it particularly fitted all that well with Dead Island. It had fiddly bits such as repairing weapons an' creating weapons an' blah blah. Yeah I know it's for a bit of realism but it's kinda hard to get on with a game when you have to detour to do this, then realise you can't 'cause all you have in your inventory is SHITE.
Dead Island also has it's bugs. Realism doesn't exactly go that well with a game that looks plasticky an' is particularly obvious with it's rough edges. I was slightly disappointed with this game. And I love zombies, so really I should've been all over this like a rash. Meh.
On to October.
Batman: Arkham City
I am a HUUUUUGE BATMAN GEEK. HUGE! I adore anything Batman. I'm sure you may have realised that in some of me previous blogs. I loved Arkham Asylum, which really was a fun game. But Arkham City really did take it to another level. Everything in this game to me was bigger, badder (in a good way) an' better. The addition of having Catwoman as a playable character was pretty neat, even though it was a pretty short amount of time you did get to play her. Thought I do think it would've been nice to have other playable characters that had more to do with the main storyline. Robin made an appearance, it would've been cool to play as him in the main game. though you did get to play as Nightwing if you got the DLC for the Riddler's Challenges. But still, meh. That was about my only gripe.
Oh, an' there was the slight disappointment that Arleen Sorkin didn't reprise her role as Harley this time round, but instead Tara Strong filled her boots. Which just doesn't seem right to me, Tara Strong does little boy's voices; not the voice of a demented, criminally minded gymnast. Harley's Arkham City outfit is also my choice of Halloween Costume this year. :)
Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception
Love love LOVE the Uncharted games. I am actually in love with Nathan Drake. In fact, I had an affair with him on November 2nd when I received this game in the mail that morning then later that afternoon, my then boyfriend dumped me. So after the few hours I spent bawling an' screaming obscenities at the tit, I remembered he was preventing me from cracking on with playing U3. So in the end I didn't feel upset, but really fucking angry because the ex was keeping me from PLAYING MY FUCKING NEW GAME. So when the bawling an' the screaming subsided then turned to pure anger, I cracked on with U3 an' began to fill meself with post break-up Jaffa Cakes... a 36 box full of the bastards.
So of course it being Uncharted it was as always visually stunning, full of witty dialogue an' so on. It was missing summat though. But that could've just been me.
To be honest I had a hard time trying to get me head round the story. I know a lot of story now whether it be in games or movies or telly shows isn't exactly handed to you on a plate an' this is why I reckon it could've been me being slightly dim. Uncharted for me is pure entertainment in the sense that every single storyline has me absolutely ENGROSSED in it like it is me fave telly show I freak out about when I miss a few minutes. I think this was my problem. Yeah everything came together at the end but Uncharted is my soap opera where you have to play the game to advance to the next cutscene of deliciousness. I couldn't put it down.
Saints Row The Third
I can't stop playing this game. I really can't. I think I'm near the end of me third play through right now, then after that I'll probably start playing it again. This game has been quite possibly the most fun game I've played in a long time an' thoroughly enjoyed every single minute of it. It's over the top, totally ridiculous an' funny as hell. It's like GTA through an' through but just better to me. GTA has it's moments but Saints Row The Third just takes it even further, by sticking bright shiny purple oversized cocks on baseball bats on it.
I can't complain that much about it really. Some missions are annoying due to the difficulty curve being unpredictable an' more like a mountain at times than a curve. Oh an' it does crash sometimes, but thank Christ not like the Fallout games do. Eesh. O_o
Oh, an' who doesn't love a game that has Hulk Hogan in as a voice actor AND the one an' only Burt Reynolds playing AS HIMSELF as the Mayor of Steelport.
Fucking Awesome. :)
Anyway, here's to 2012 an' all the damn pre-orders I made last year. Least a few of 'em actually have release dates now. XD