The problem with "Men" an' shopping...

Am knackered. Absolutely KNACKERED. Barely got 5 hours sleep last night. Don't ask me why but I was having a hard time getting to sleep an' staying asleep.


So anyway, a bit after I finished work me dad announces that he's off in to town to go get ciggies an' stuff. Of course me father get's "shopping" as in "absolutely nothing of nutritional value or use." Dad's "shopping" primarily consists of cake, crisps, pies, cake, an' more cake. He also normally comes back with some kind of medication to for whatever ailment his hypochondriac mind has decided he has this week. An tonight has been no different. He come back with above mentioned shite.


Now, before he went I asked him to get me some Coke or Pepsi. Just straight forward Full-Fat Coke or Pepsi. Either one am not bothered so long as it's Full Fat. (Interesting note here, in the UK, possibly the rest of Europe we don't have any cola "throwbacks" mainly because we don't really use HFCS in our full fat sodas int first place.)


Now here's my thing...Can you tell the difference between this:

And this...

And this?!

Well, according to me father there IS no difference!

Yes it might be me being harsh again but come on nobody's that stupid. He blames it on being "close-up blind" as he says or long-sighted to you an' me. Now I have been shopping with me father, he literally picks up the first thing he gets too then he's off 'cause he get's estate sick when he's away from work for more than 15 minutes on non-work related whatever. Either that or he really is dim OR he's bringing me this shit back on purpose 'cause he doesn't want asking again. I asked him for full fat Coke or Pepsi.He brought me back a 6 pack of Pepsi Max an' a 6 pack of Diet Pepsi'cause it was "on offer an he didn't know what to get so he got two different kinds."

Some people say "Awww Georgie don't be so rough on him he's trying!" I say "No." This is the man who has had women running about after him for most of his life. First his mother, now it's me an' me mam. He can't cook. Heck he can't even boil a pan of water without ballsing it up. He's been banned from attempting to cook a fry-up 'cause he coats the entire kitchen in grease, fills the kitchen with blue smoke then he doesn't move his plate in to the utility rooms where the dishwasher is. He leaves it ont table, with his chair a yard away from it waiting for either me or me mam to shift it.

This is also the man who doesn't speak to us for days if we genuinely forget to buy him a lottery ticket with our own money.

This is also the man who said that if he was meant to wash dishes, he'dve been born with a pair of tits.

SO! For the single ladies this is my advice to you. You want a fella who can at least do all if not most of these things.

1: Cook at least one or two meals. It's not always your duty to make sure he's fed all the time. As the saying goes "I'm not your mother." An' it's true you aren't!

2: Offer to go out to eat once in a while, regardless of if he's a shite cook or not.

3: Pick up basic groceries an' bits an' bobs at the supermarket in the brand you normally use/like without having his hand held.

4: Actually DO bits around the house. Not "I put them shelves up" which you remember were put up three years ago, not three days ago like HE remembers. I mean things like take out the bins, load/unload the dishwasher, whip round the living room with the hoover once a week, actually put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Etc...

5: Not expect you to do EVERYTHING. "A woman's work is never done" an' that can't be true enough. You yourself can't claim or expect you can do everything an' neither should he. Give an' take from both parties remember. :)

I LIKE CAKE!

So today is me 24th birthday. Well, there's roughly 20 minutes left of today so it won't be me birthday much longer.

I don't really do my own birthday. Normally I stay in and do what I do like every other day. Sometimes I may even have a bit too much to drink but today I decided to mek me own birthday cake because I've never really had a proper one.

So anyway, here's some pictures and the recipe I use.

Victoria Sponge Sandwich Cake

You will need:

8oz Self-Raising Flour

8oz Caster Sugar

8oz Butter/Margarine

4 Medium Eggs

Jam/Preserve of your choice

Optional Vanilla Essence to taste

Optional Decoration:

1 Box Marzipan

1 Box Ready Rolled Icing

Any other decorating items you want! ^_^

OR for a traditional Victoria Sponge Sandwich Cake...

Fresh Whipped Cream

Jam/Preserve

Icing Sugar for dusting

Bake at 180C (350F) For roughly 25-30 minutes. Add an extra 10-15 minutes if using one cake tin.

I use a food processor to make the cake mix but you can also use an electric hand mixer or do it by hand with a whisk.

First cream the sugar and butter/marge together till it's smooth. Then after that add in an egg, mix together thoroughly and add a bit of the flour. Mix again. Gradually keep adding another egg in and a bit more flour until the mixture is the consistency of a very thick batter.

Next you need a cake tin or two if you have them. I'm using two 10 inch tins lined with tin foil. You can use one but it will require an extra 10-15 minutes cooking time. It's easier using two so you don't have to cut a larger one in half when you sandwich them together. Divide the mixture between the two, or just dump the whole lot in if you have one.

Bake at the required temperature and time until the sponge is golden and slightly resilient to the touch. Remove the cake from the tins, remove the foil and turn them upside down onto a cooling rack.

Now this is a Victoria Sponge Cake so if you want to you can make it the traditional way. Simply spread a layer of jam or preserve on one side of the cakes (cut through the middle of the big one to make two halves if you didn't use two tins) then you can sandwich them together with some fresh whipped cream if you want. Then dust the top with some icing sugar and it's ready to serve.

But this also makes a good base for a decorated cake, especially for those who aren't too keen on fruit cake. The sponge if made correctly will tolerate the weight of a layer of marzipan and icing on in contrary to popular belief. If you are decorating it this way, cut across the top of one of the halves as cleanly as possible so you have a flat as possible surface.

Before you start rolling out your marzipan and icing, but a generous dollop of jam or preserve into a cup and dissolve it in a few dessert spoons of boiling water. You need this to sort of glaze the cake so the marzipan has something to stick to. It doesn't need to be doused in this jam glaze, just enough so it doesn't go soggy. I normally use Apricot Jam for this as it isn't as strong in colour as Raspberry Jam (seedless!) like I used with this on so it doesn't bleed through the marzipan and through to your icing.

Now roll out your marzipan to nearly1/3rd an inch thickness, stop it sticking by dusting your counter top and rolling pin with a bit of icing sugar. This layer doesn't have to be totally perfect as it's getting covered by the icing. You need to put your cake on a raised surface, I use a large upturned biscuit tin. Personally I don't like my marzipan too thick but if you want you can make it a little bit thicker. Drape this over your cake and let it fall down the sides. Cut off an excess to prevent the marzipan from tearing down the sides of the cake from the overhang weight. Carefully shape this layer around the cake as close as you can before cutting the rest of the marzipan off at the base of the cake.

Repeat this process with the ready roll icing. Except this time, smooth out the surface and edges as much as possible so you have a smooth finish for decorating on.

Then there you have it! An iced cake ready for decorating to how you wish! I chose card suits for mine. I have them tattooed on my left arm an' I have a bit of an obsession with gambling related paraphernalia so it just seemed right to do this for me birthday cake. ^_^