Monday, 20 June 2011

MISSING: Incredibly fuck-ugly pair of big knickers.

"Scary, stomach-holding-in pants very popular with grannies the world over."

Ugh this has been driving me mad since a few months ago.

Now, this may be kinda TMI/gross but Georgie's sense of vulgarity doesn't exist right now so half of the shit that comes out me gob doesn't really get censored.

A lot of people (particularly single men or, men who just don't care) don't know that probably 99% of women own at least one pair, of ridiculously fuck-ugly big knickers. They're not normal knickers as in ones you wear often like the other bazillion identical or special pairs that are in the drawer; but these ones are pretty much reserved for that lovely time of the month where women become your worst nightmare of sheer, pure unadulterated bastardry an' are constantly up an' down like an emotional yo-yo. You know what am talking about.

Mine have gone missing.

An' it's doing me head in.

Like I said they went missing months ago an' I've been wearing a piss-poor excuse of a big knicker substitute. They're a size bigger than what I wear on a day-to-day basis but by christ they're the most uncomfortable things I've ever had me arse in. An' they're adding to my already high level of PMS anger they're that uncomfortable.

Now, my big fuck-ugly knickers are particularly ugly because...

1: I've had them so long, the white is now actually that 'orrible laundry grey colour they go when they've been washed loads of times:
2: Because of the sheer amount of time I've had 'em an' the amount of times they've been washed; the yukky pastel coloured paisley (yes, paisley) print on 'em had faded dramatically.
3: The elastic's shot. Good ol' fashioned big knicker elastic will get you anywhere but when it goes, bloody 'ell it goes.

Now let me tell you I've had these damn thing for well over a decade now an'I miss 'em. I bloody miss 'em. An' the day I find 'em will be joyous. Because I love them bloody things an' will still wear 'em when they get full of holes.

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